Recently I’ve been struggling and wrestling with intrusive thoughts quite frequently. My intrusive thoughts, the ones that i obsess over and constantly get stuck on, shift and change. They are quite intense at the moment, having moved on from “what if this happened” to “i want this to happen” even though I do not want it to happen.
These thoughts make me feel ashamed. I feel afraid of discussing them, and that gives them even more power. Because they are not nice thoughts, they focus on taboos or the bad stuff in our society and therefore I do not want to admit to having them.
So that probably makes me push them away, to not accept them, because I think that i should not be having these thoughts, i make myself feel bad for it. But I can’t control them, so why should I feel bad? It’s not like I invited them in with open arms, they are a product of my anxious mind, which just wants to keep the anxiety going.
I cannot change, stop or control my thoughts. Our minds are busy and sometimes we think things which seem out of the ordinary or “wrong”. I am trying to not resist or fight because its pointless and will only give them more power.
Thinking something doesn’t mean its true. Allow the thought to exist because it has no real power. It just feels like it does because it has the power to make me feel hot and upset and overwhelmed. I can’t necessarily stop that. I am trying to just accept what is, I have an anxiety disorder and part of that is obsessive/intrusive thoughts. I do not have to beat myself up for that. This isn’t my fault, its just brain chemistry! Try to stay mindful and in the present, these worries are not about things that are happening right now they are just hypothetical events/feelings/wants that have zero correlation to me right now, only that I have anxiety!