We all come up against resistance at some point or another and it makes life tough. Right now I’m going through a period of resistance and its important to acknowledge that.
My resistance seems to be resistance to wanting to open up. or maybe not. I don’t want to resist thoughts or feelings, I want to feel them and then not wanting to talk about them again. I don’t want to relive anxiety or panic attacks, I just want to accept they’ve happened and let them go.
I don’t want to go to counselling because I don’t want to talk about things. I want to stop having to live so much in my past and try and be in my present. Does that mean I am resisting these moments? I’m not sure, and I certainly can’t figure it out.
I’m also finding it hard with meditation. I don’t want to do it and everytime I do its a struggle to keep myself focused. I’m still trying to do it daily, but I’ve slipped up a couple of times because I don’t want to do it.
Being a human is really hard sometimes! I feel like I’m constantly trying to work out exactly what it means and how it feels and what i need to do about it. I’m tired of doing that. I want to just let these things ebb and flow, like the tide. I want to just be.