I like keeping busy. I enjoy having things to focus on and to feel part of the bigger world. I try to go to every lecture, go to work in the library instead of home and make sure I keep my room tidy – just little things that help keep my mind focused.
I have a tendency to try distract myself from anxiety, instead of allowing it to come and go. With this in mind, i also try to make sure I’m not forcing myself to be busy for the wrong reason. If I know I need a break, but want to carry on doing things so as not to be alone with my thoughts, I try to let myself have a break.
I find it difficult to be alone with my thoughts. My worried self finds it easy to take control when I am just in my room, not doing much or just eating dinner alone. I am slowly learning to be okay with my thoughts and just to be on my own. I know that I don’t need to constantly be doing something to distract myself, that its okay to just be silent and settled.
It’s one of my challenges to learn to be okay with just letting things be as they are, and its part of my wider search to learn to be more mindful. I have made some good progress but I know I have to try practice as much as I can.