I have a tendency to see my feelings as bad things and that my worries are stupid. I criticise myself at my lowest moments and it’s only recently I’ve been aware of this. I beat myself up for having anxiety as if it was ever somehow my fault.
I was very upset the other day because my laptop broke and I am pretty reliant on it for university stuff and just for ways that help me function and give me a routine. I was very critical of me being upset, thinking it was a silly response to something trivial. And then I took a step back and tried to re frame that thought. Yes, a broken laptop isn’t the end of the world and it’s something that I can live without. But for me it represents a lot of support, I have a whole folder on things to do with mental health, I use it to watch videos, I use it to email and I use it like a diary. So for me its natural I’d be upset over not having it. Its like a safety blanket and so now I think I understand I was being overly critical.
I do it with worries to. I think “oh that’s a stupid worry” and try to push it away. But the fact is it is my worry and to my anxious brain its not stupid. Its part of a bigger picture, of bigger worries, of a lifetime of fear and panic. So I’m going to practice re-framing my worries. I know they seem ridiculous because not everyone worries about them. But that doesn’t matter because I am me, and I’m sure some people worry about things that I would never be concerned about. My fears about worsening mental health are the ones that I find the most uncomfortable and I get very critical about. But its not about judging it as a good or bad worry. Its about just accepting it for what it is.. I don’t judge my worries, I just let them pass.
I know that I can be mindful and just breathe through difficult emotions. I know that ultimately they will pass, and I have to try my best to just be.