Mindfulness. It’s something I have long dismissed as some hippy dippy middle class crap that is ineffective.And then I stopped being a stubborn non believer and tried to educate myself.

The concept of mindfulness is to just be. To be with worries, emotions, thoughts and feelings. To be open to them but not to hold onto them. It’s about accepting instead of resisting.

For me, this is something I really hope I can stick at. I found myself getting too caught up in my thoughts and feelings and then had a tough week because of that – unable to just let go of thoughts, gripping onto them so tight it hurt.

But a thought is just a thought. We have thousands everyday and they come and go. I am trying to allow myself to acknowledge the thought, but not to cling onto it for dear life, trying to analyse it and fret about it. Instead I simple let it pass and refocus my attention  on what I’m doing, or if I’m doing nothing, on my breathing or how my feet feel against the floor.

I am trying to just be with myself. I fight my anxiety everyday.and its exhausting. Instead I’m going to accept it for what it is – just anxiety – and I’m allowing it to make a home here. To tell my anxious self that its okay, it can settle here, it can jump up to grab my attention sometimes but it can also just sit there, quiet and still, while I get on with life.

I trust myself that I can do this. I trust my belief in myself. I will allow myself to be mindful and not hang onto to the same fear and panic that is so familiar to me.

It’s going to be hard, but if I keep at it then I know I can improve the way I deal with my anxiety.

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